Last night was a rough one. JP woke up screaming with gas pain and anyone who has kids knows how awful it is to hear your child in pain. I think it's even worse when they can't tell you what's wrong and don't really know what is happening. It was rough, but we finally got it out of him and got him back to sleep at about 1am. By that point my mind was racing with various thoughts and I do not remember sleeping at all, though I am sure I dozed off for a few minutes here and there. What was I thinking about? Take a deep breathe and hold on because here we go!
I posted yesterday about my bike race, so I was thinking about things cyclists and bike racers should know:
1) Hold your line. That means don't swerve all over, if you do you are a danger to everyone around you.
2) Basic physics shows that an object trying to turn a corner at high speed will drift out after going through the curve. Thus you start the corner from the outside, take the apex at the inside and drift out as you come out of it. Anyone who has watched a car or a bike race can understand this concept. So why do people in races insist on going into a corner right on the inside line?!?!?!
3) Wear a helmet.You have a family, you have friends...they do not want you to die, think of others. You ride with people and we do not want to see your brain on the road. Insisting your kids wear helmets while you do not is stupid! Set a good example and do what you can to make sure you are there for them when they grow up.
4) When you are riding in a group do not make any sudden movements. If you have to bunny hop a pot hole or hit a bump rather then suddenly swerve, do it. You aren't the only one in the group.
5) Talk/signal. Even pro riders let the riders behind and in front of them know what is going on. If there is something in the road that is a danger, signal it and say something. if the person ahead of you or next to you is drifting give them a touch on the hip and say something. I could go on and on, but you get the point.
6) Practice looking behind you while riding by yourself in a safe place. There is nothing worse then a crash caused by a rider who looks back and swerves.
7) In most states bicycles are considered motor vehicles and must obey the rules of the road...do it. Don't run stop signs and lights, don't roll up past a line of cars to the front at a light or sign. Yes, a lot of drivers are jerks, but riding like a jerk certainly does not help the situation.
8) Bike lanes suck. Drivers see a bike lane and don't bother giving any extra room to get by a cyclist and, often, do not even think about who is in the bike lane or what they are doing.
I could go about cycling on but I did a lot of thinking last night.
Lying there in the dark listening to XM I started thinking about people and events based on what song came on the radio. Music is a very big part of my life and a line from a Clint Black song describes how I work very well "Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory, take you to another place in time, even change your state of mind." As songs played I was reminded of people from my past who I have not seen in years, such as Kristen Murphy (the first girl I dated at UofL), Chris Sheppherd (one of my best friends at UofL who dropped off the face of the earth), Becky Bridges (the first girl I ever kissed), Chad Dannenfelser (a friend from USM), Ally (can't remember the last name, but she was one of the SJA girls I was friends with), Eric of Antioch ( one of my pledge class brothers whose last name escapes me, but I remember he was from Antioch, IL). I am sure their are a few more that popped into my head, but it was a long night.
I mentioned yesterday about potential jobs in Chicago and Florida. I have such mixed feelings about where I work. My parents saw JP for the first time since Thanksgiving last week and it about broke my heart that they had to wait so long. Moving to Florida would probably make it worse and add his other grandparents not seeing him as much. Moving to Chicago would be great because of my wife's family and getting to ride and hang out with the guys on my cycling team. Then there is St. Louis, where I have my family, my brother and a number of friends, plus I just love St. Louis. Then there is the fact that my wife has a great job and is very successful and nearly irreplaceable and that the daycare JP goes to is fantastic, maybe I should just suck it up and find something around here, working in a plant or a factory. It really shouldn't matter as I just need to get a real job, no matter where it is.
I'd say about once a day it enters my mind that my wife and son would be better off without me. Now don't get all freaked out, life is too damn good for me to even think about killing myself and I would never abandon them. It really stems from me feeling like I failed in my last coaching job and nobody, in multiple industries, has any interest in hiring me, and that maybe I am simply dead weight holding them back. Pretty dark, huh. Conversely at least once a day, when he in not around, I think of the wonderful peels of laughter and the big toothy smile of my son. I think of my wonderful wife, how she snorts when she laughs hard, how ticklish she is, how beautiful she is and how I love that I can stare at here just taking it all in and she won't even notice and how she love me for me, no matter how successful I am.
Sometimes I think about things that I would do differently if I could go back in time. I do regret things like flunking out of Drake and losing touch with my Sig Ep brothers,not paying attention to my grades in high school, risks I didn't take in games or races, girls I did not ask out, guys I didn't knock out. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had done things differently, but I would not want to change anything. If I changed these things I would not have met my wife, I wouldn't know most of my friends and I would have missed out on a lot of great things.
Looking at a soccer message board I saw a post about a college having scholarship money available and looking for certain positions. They didn't name the school, but the details they did give sounded very familiar. Interestingly I had people lined up for those positions, starters from state championship teams in two different states. It doesn't surprise me.
Well, that's about it, I am tired from a lack of sleep and it's the Alt. School teacher's lunch so I have to supervise those kids as well.
Have a great day!
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